Mending Unseen Wounds
by Fallon-Idalia
Summary: He was there for her through the darkest moment of her life, comforting her when she thought the only future for her was death. As he struggles with his own faults, how long can they remain silent about their love for each other? Anders x F!Hawke
1. Fracture

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters you'll read about in this tale – Bioware does. This story will contain scenes of a very mature nature including (but not limited to) sex and self-harm/mutilation. Expect elements of drama/angst/hurt & comfort in this story. There will naturally be some spoilers in the chapters to come, though this isn't a retelling of how things went down verbatim in the game – that'd make for a boring read ;)

I picked up Dragon Age 2 not too long ago and have since fallen completely in love with it! I can't decide who I adore more, Anders or Fenris. This is a new fandom for me, so I'm eager to dive in! For now though, I'll focus on Anders (don't worry, Fenris will get his turn in the spotlight – I've already been tossing some ideas around!). Thank you for reading, any and all reviews are greatly appreciated! All the best – Fallon.

**Chapter One**

Marian Hawke rushed forward, weaving around the dead bodies and letting her staff fall from her grasp as she went to her mother's side. She barely managed to catch the broken woman as she collapsed, her mangled legs unable to carry her any further.

_Maker, spare her...please!_

She didn't know how to help her mother, but she knew she couldn't lose her. Her father, Malcolm, had died many years ago and Bethany had fallen in their attempt to flee Lothering. Carver...well he was essentially dead to her, having decided to join the Templars in a last ditch attempt to free himself from his elder sister's shadow.

"Mother, please hang on! We'll find a way to make this better!" Hawke pleaded as her eyes clouded with tears.

Her mother had been kidnapped and forced to play a part in a very sick man's game. Leandra hadn't been his first victim either, she knew of at least three other women that had fallen by his hand. Hawke had been following his trail for years and had even come close to stopping him once. She cursed herself for letting him get away all those years ago.

_It's my fault...I practically handed Mother to him!_

Leandra shushed her child and used what little strength she had left to squeeze her hand, "I knew you would find me...thank you."

"I didn't get here fast enough!" Hawke hissed as warm tears fell down her cheeks, "I could have stopped him before he..."

"He would have trapped me here forever...you saved me. I get to be with Bethany now...and your father. My only regret is that you will be alone..."

Hawke's companions stood quietly behind her. Isabela wasn't usually comfortable being around such raw emotions, but she respected Hawke too much to skulk away now. Aveline was finding it hard to keep the tears from flowing. She wished more than anything that they had arrived in time to stop such evil from befalling her. After everything they went through to get to Kirkwall, everything they had sacrificed, Leandra deserved to live a long life with the only child she had left. But even that had been taken from her.

Anders kept his eyes glued to Marian. Her shoulders trembled as despair overcame her, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and tell her it would all be alright. But she was a mage too; she knew there was nothing that could save her mother now. Anders didn't have to tell her that.

Leandra's eyes grew heavy and she felt the Maker's arms wrap tenderly around her, "My little girl has become so strong...I'm so proud of you..."

Marian's lip quivered, "Please...don't go...don't leave me alone!"

But Leandra didn't answer, she was already gone.

She let out a heart wrenching wail and clutched her mother's body to her chest.

It wasn't fair! She had spent the last four years fighting everyone else's battles, making their lives better – why did this have to happen to her? Hadn't she lost enough already?

She whispered pleas into her mother's hair, "Mother...please!"

Anders couldn't stand by and watch any longer. He had silently loved and longed for Marian for three long years. Every time they were alone together he had to bite his tongue to keep from confessing. The smiles she shot him and her playful flirting didn't make that easy, but he'd be damned if he hurt her. And hurt her he would, should anything ever happen between them.

_Marian..._

Her pain was his, even if she did not know it.

He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Marian, burying his face in her auburn locks. She began to cry harder and Aveline stepped around them to gather Leandra into her arms. She expected the dead woman to be heavy, but she was surprisingly light.

Marian struggled weakly against his hold, "Please don't take her from me, Aveline! Bring her back!"

Anders rested his chin on her shoulder, "Hush, Hawke..."

His voice was gentle, but it did not halt the bleeding in her heart, "This can't be happening..."

Anders tightened his hold on her and fought the urge to breathe in her scent, "Hawke...Marian, I'm so sorry..."

Nearby, Aveline wrapped the cleanest linen she could find around Leandra, tying it firmly around her so she was given the dignity in death her murderer had denied her in the final moments of her life. She gathered the fragile bundle into her arms and shot Anders a cautious glance. Hawke had been forced to see her mother is this condition once, and Aveline didn't want to put her through it again.

Anders understood.

"Marian...you need to stand; we have to get out of here." He spoke tenderly, hoping that small act would dull her agony but knowing it did nothing of the sort.

She fell back into his chest, groaning his name, "Anders..."

He leaned in, "What is it, Hawke?"

She looked back at him, her pretty green eyes glassy and tired, "Wake her up...please?"

* * *

><p>Marian sat in her chair before the fire, transfixed by the dancing flames before her. It was very early in the morning and she was tired, but she didn't dare attempt to sleep.<p>

Sleep brought dreams and dreams inevitably brought Mother.

Every day she woke up hurting more than the next, and her mother had only been dead for five days – how was Marian expected to live the rest of her life like this?

She heard footsteps coming down the stairs behind her. She hoped it was an enemy come to finish her off, but the yawn told her it was only Gamlen.

"What are you doing up so early, my dear?" He asked gruffly, still half asleep.

Gamlen had been staying in the guest room since Leandra died. Marian had protested the idea, but Aveline convinced her it wasn't right for her to be alone during such a difficult time. She supposed Gamlen needed her too...even if he was still the same ass he was before.

"I haven't slept, Uncle."

Gamlen sighed. The loss of his sister hurt him too, but Marian had begun to retreat into herself to deal with the pain. While his methods of coping would make members of the Chantry swoon in disgust, he had at least left the house in the past few days.

"Denying yourself sleep isn't going to bring her back," Gamlen mumbled.

"How very kind of you to point out, Uncle..."

Gamlen sighed, "Don't forget I miss her too, Marian. I lost her once to your father and then to that madman...my point is you're not the only one who is hurt."

Marian turned her gaze back to the fire. Gamlen was essentially all she had left, so she refused to push him away even though his relationship with her mother had been strained to say the least. He had stolen Leandra's inheritance away from her and ruined the reputation of the name "Amell". But you couldn't choose your family; you had to make do with what the Maker gave you. And sometimes the Maker had a sick sense of humor.

She stood, "I'll retire to my room for the night then..."

Gamlen smiled lazily, still half asleep, "That would be for the best, my dear."

* * *

><p>Anders paced back and forth in his empty clinic. It was late, but thoughts of Marian kept him from finding any real rest. Usually it was concerns that the Templars were getting too close that kept him awake, but he hadn't seen her in five days and was concerned for her.<p>

Grief had a way of breaking the strongest after all.

He had spoken to Aveline about his worries. She had been equally concerned, but cautioned him not to approach Marian until she was ready to see them. The wound was still raw, and Aveline didn't see the wisdom in prodding it – the process wouldn't go any faster for it.

Anders had agreed with her, he still did, but the uneasy feeling did not lessen.

If he had learned anything from his years of evading the Templars and their sympathizers, it was to always trust his instincts. As he forced himself to lie down in his cot, he decided he'd visit her the next night, after his clinic had closed for the day. He didn't want to hover over her as she mourned, but if she hadn't emerged from her estate by the following day...

Justice's voice echoed in his mind, advising him to redirect his thoughts away from Hawke and back to their goal.

Anders shoved Justice back to the depths of his mind.

Marian was the one subject he had no intention of discussing with the spirit.

* * *

><p>Marian lifted herself out of the tub and shivered as the cool air made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. She quickly covered herself with a plush towel and wrung the water from her hair. Physically the bath had made her feel quite better, but free from its mind numbing warmth she was reminded about everything she had lost.<p>

_Bethany...Carver...Mother..._

She pulled her nightgown over her head and laid her damp hair over her shoulder. Her body screamed at her to sleep, but her mind pleaded for her not to – she wasn't sure which would win the battle.

As she lay on top of the richly embroidered sheets, she tried to think of something, anything that would distract her from her misery.

_Anders..._

She could still feel the lingering warmth of his embrace across her back and down her arms. In the three years she had known him, he had always been the first person she went to when she had a new adventure to set out on. Her reasoning for that went beyond his skill in battle and healing.

He made her heart pound ferociously in her chest every time he walked past her. When he tended to her wounds, she found herself wondering how those fingers would treat her in other places. They had flirted often over the years, but he always changed the subject or warned her he'd hurt her if she got too close.

She had nothing of worth, not even the man she cared deeply for.

Marian choked on a sob and rolled over in bed. Nothing he could ever do to her would hurt as badly as her mother's loss.

A cold, broken chuckle escaped her lips. The Maker seemed to enjoy giving her glimpses of happiness and then ripping them away. He was like a greedy child not wanting to share his toys with the other children.

Finding herself becoming too hot, she rolled up the long sleeves of her nightgown. Her forearms were relatively unscarred compared to the rest of her body, but she had truly never been one to fuss over her looks. As a mage, she was hated no matter what she looked like. If anything, her plainness helped her blend into the crowd.

She dragged her nails over the tender flesh of her wrist, and then again.

_Don't be foolish, Marian..._

She leaned back against the headboard and stared at her wrist, watching as the marks faded. The hurt inside was too much; she needed something to drown it out. Physical pain was something she had grown accustomed to in her travels, but the overwhelming emotional pain...it was too much for even her to bear.

_Maybe..._

She called upon her magic, drawing fire into her hand and focusing it into her fingertips. Her nails became red, seared with fiery magic.

Inhaling sharply, she pressed her index finger into her arm and drew it slowly down until it met the bend of her elbow. She sighed as her flesh burned and glanced down to view her handiwork. A blood red streak ran down the length of her arm, a stark contrast against her pale skin. The ache in her heart somehow felt lighter and she carved another burn into her arm, followed soon after by another.

When her left arm was covered, she turned her attention onto her right. She bit her lip and closed her eyes through it all. She would use no healing magic on herself, she wanted the scars, wanted the hurt.

What she was inflicting upon herself was nothing compared to what her mother had been forced to endure.

She wept at the thought and dug her nails into her thighs. The heat from her magic burned through the thin fabric of her nightgown and touched the tender flesh that lay just under.

_Maker, take it all away..._


	2. Healing Hands

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters you'll read about in this tale – Bioware does. This story will contain scenes of a very mature nature. Expect elements of drama/angst/hurt & comfort in this story. There will naturally be some spoilers.

A very sincere thank you to everyone for reading! – Fallon.

**Chapter Two**

He'd spent the entire day hoping she'd show up at the clinic, but it had passed without so much as a whisper of her name. Anders felt like he was looking up from his work every minute to see if the person entering his clinic, or passing by to tend to a patient, was her. Even in his waking moments, she haunted his footsteps and teased him from the shadows.

_Enough of this!_

If she wouldn't come to him, he would go to her.

Anders stood outside her bedroom door, unsure whether going inside was wise or not. Gamlen had let him in the estate easily enough. He had seen the man many times over the years and had never thought highly of him. But considering he was all Marian had left, Anders had tried his best to hide his disgust while speaking to the man.

He knocked on the door and heard a groan from the other side.

"Hawke? Are you alright?"

He scolded himself for asking her such a stupid question and knocked harder, "Hawke...Marian, please let me in."

The door opened softly and he slipped inside quickly for fear it would close just as suddenly. Her room was cold and lit only by a few candles that were nearing the end of their lives. He stepped into the center of the room and spun around as Marian shut the door behind him.

Her hair was down and she wore a simple, oversized white linen nightgown. Against the dim light of the candles, she looked stunning. But when he looked closer he saw the dark circles under her bloodshot eyes and the prominent frown on her pink lips.

The sight of her so broken was almost too much, "Marian..."

Sadness broke so many people, but surely she was immune to its lingering effects? Surely she was strong enough?

She rubbed her arms and cast her gaze away from him, "What do you want, Anders?"

"Nobody has seen you in days...we were all beginning to worry."

She shrugged and walked past him to sit on the edge of the bed, "I'm handling things in my own way."

"Have you been eating? Bathing?"

She risked a small glance up but it was hollow, "I...I am trying."

Her tone did not inspire faith.

"When was the last time you had a good meal?"

Frustrated, she shook her head, "Why are you asking so many questions? Can you not just leave me to my misery?"

Anders sat down next to her and took her hand in his, "Because you are my friend, Marian. I care for you more that you'll ever believe. Let me be here for you through this."

She ran her thumb over his knuckles. He was too good to her, far more than she felt she deserved.

"Wounds like mine cannot be healed by magic, Anders." She muttered sadly, "Neither your magic or mine will make this any better."

He squeezed her hand and eased her to her feet, "Let's worry about getting you bathed for now, then we'll talk to Gamlen about getting a proper meal sent up for you. Everything else will work itself out in time."

Marian appreciated his attempts to encourage her, and hoped that deep down he was right. She wasn't sure how much longer she could stand wallowing in her depression. She saw Anders looking down at her strangely out of the corner of her eye and watched in horror as he tried to hike up the sleeve of her nightgown.

She jerked her hand away from him and held it to her chest.

He had caught a glimpse of dried blood on her sleeve and feared she was injured, "Marian, let me help you."

She stood and hurried across the room, "Leave now...please!"

Anders stood and followed her, his concern for her rising by the second. She wasn't acting like herself in the slightest and while he expected the loss of her mother to change her for a while, the look in her eyes frightened him.

She was hiding something from him, he knew it.

"Not until you explain that to me," he countered, "and let me see your arm for myself."

Marian tried to slip past him but he managed to wrap an arm around her waist and pulled her back to him. She clawed at him, but he was undeterred. Her back to his chest, he struggled to keep her still and lift her sleeve up.

In the chaos of their bizarre dance, Anders lost his footing and hit the ground hard, dragging Marian down with him. Now sobbing, she went limp in his arms and allowed him to look at her forearms.

The gasp that escaped his lips made her choke on her tears.

"Marian..."

She squeezed her eyes shut and shrunk against his chest.

Anders kept her close and trailed his fingers over the burns that marred her arms, "What hurt you, Marian? Tell me!"

She leaned her head back and her cheek brushed up against his, making him wish he had taken the time to shave. Marian's tears rubbed onto his skin and his hold on her tightened. He raised a hand to brush them from her cheeks.

"You're ashamed," Anders realized, "why..."

Then it clicked.

"Oh, Marian...why!"

There was nothing she could offer him that would make sense, so she remained quiet. For so many years she had been trying to get closer to him, and now that she literally was her foolishness was going to push him away.

His lips were near her ear, whispering 'why' over and over again.

"I...I don't have an answer for you..."

He gently wrapped his hands around her wrists, "Did you want to kill yourself, Marian? Is that what you were trying to do?"

She gave a small shrug, "Maybe I was indifferent."

"I need you here."

His tears were dampening her hair, but he did not feel compelled to hide his emotions from her.

_Maker, I can't bear the thought of losing her..._

Marian felt his tears sliding down her shoulder. Sitting between his legs with his arms wrapped around her, she felt more secure than she had since arriving in Kirkwall. She drew her legs in to her chest, reviling in that overwhelming sense of safety and curling up against him. As she moved however, her skirt rose slightly, exposing the self-inflicted burns on the tops of her thighs.

Anders inhaled sharply.

She moved to cover herself, "It's...not that bad."

"Don't lie to yourself...you're better than that, Marian."

"How do you know that?" She whispered as she pulled the fabric down, "Am I not allowed to be flawed?"

"Maker, yes, Marian. But this isn't a flaw, this is mutilation!"

His tone made her feel small, "I'm not hurting anyone –

"Expect yourself," Anders interjected, "and you're the only one that matters to me, Marian. Those burns...they might as well have been inflicted on my very heart..."

He rested his chin on her shoulder and gently wrapped his fingers around her wrists to begin the healing spell he hoped would be strong enough to close the wounds and prevent scarring.

Marian watched him work, "We're so twisted..."

"I'm fine with that," he said sadly, "so long as it's with you..."

Warmth sunk in to her arms, both from the magic and his touch. She was no healer, at least not of his caliber, and generally was more comfortable causing injuries than mending them.

That was one of the things she loved about him. He helped so many people with his gifts. Hundreds if not thousands of Kirkwall's poor owed him their lives. Whether he cured their fever, delivered their child or rid their bodies of lethal viruses; he did it all without asking for anything in return.

While he turned away all offers of coin, he could not refuse the tremendous amount of respect and hope the people had for him.

Marian cleared her throat, "Is it wrong I want it to leave a mark?"

If he didn't understand her pain as well as he did, he'd probably thought her mad. Running as long as he had, he was accustomed to loss in its many forms. The loss of family or of love was the most painful, in his experience, and thankfully it had been many years since he had lost his family.

_When the bastards took me to the Circle...made me leave it all behind..._

He focused his magic on blending the healed tissue in, "You don't need a mark everyone can see to justify the pain you still feel."

"But...what if the others think I should get over it? What if it takes longer for me?"

"You can take as much time as you need," Anders said with a smile, "Maker knows I'll be here for you through it all."

"Hmm, you sound so confident about that I almost believe you..."

"You should, I've not lied to you yet."

She raised an eyebrow, "What, you planning on lying to me soon then?"

Anders pressed his lips lightly to her shoulder and laughed, "I have no immediate plans."

"Good to know...Anders?"

"Hmm?"

She glanced back at him, "May I go to my bed now? I'm cold."

He realized his hold on her was firm, desperate even, and abruptly broke his hold on her.

"I'm sorry –

A very faint grin appeared on her lips, "I didn't say I wasn't enjoying it...just that I'd like to move it somewhere warmer."

As he rose from the floor and followed her, he felt himself flush. Many of his fantasies occurred in her bed, and being so close to it was the greatest tease he could imagine.

_Well...her dancing around me naked would be worse...but that's not likely to happen._

Marian pulled back the covered and curled up amongst the blankets. Somehow, with Anders present, she felt like she might actually be able to sleep. He stopped abruptly a few paces from her bed and she beckoned him closer with a flick of her wrist.

Anders' palms became sweaty and his collar too tight. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her from the corner of his eye. He saw her eyes become heavy and she began to nod as her lack of sleep caught up with her.

"Is sleep finally creeping up on you?" He asked with a knowing chuckle, "Even you can't fight it off forever!"

Marian grinned and finally closed her eyes, "Yes...but I fear what dreams will bring me."

Anders sighed and raised his hand over her legs, sending pulses of magic raining down on her to mend the burns on her thighs. Touching the wound would heal it faster and more accurately, but he didn't trust himself to touch her legs and stop there.

"Do not focus on dreams...just close your eyes and stop fighting sleep's pull, my dear."

She opened one eye, just ever so slightly, "Your dear? Hmm...to hear you say that warms the coldness of this damned agony, Anders."

Marian exhaled softly and wriggled into the comfort of her bed. She wanted to remain awake to look upon Anders, but sleep was proving to be too cunning a temptress to resist.

"Will you stay here...with me, Anders?" Marian asked quietly just before she was lulled away, "Having you here might keep the nightmares away..."

Anders smiled and squeezed her hand, "Of course...I'll always be here for you, Marian, and I'll always listen."


	3. Saving Grace

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters you'll read about in this tale – BioWare does. This story will contain scenes of a very mature nature. Expect elements of drama/angst/hurt & comfort in this story. There will naturally be some spoilers.

Thank you for reading! – Fallon.

**Chapter Three**

**Sometime later...**

Anders ran ahead of the rest of the group and abruptly stopped. He was certain the Templars had plans to make all mages tranquil over the next three years, and thankfully Hawke had agreed to help him find proof. He was afraid she'd think he was paranoid when he told her of his concerns, but she had only smiled and asked when they could begin.

Just as he expected, the trail led them to Ser Alrik, who had a young mage girl cornered. Rage surged through his veins and Anders felt Justice stir inside him. He knew it would take all of his strength to keep the spirit contained this time.

Marian walked into the clearing and scowled at the Templars, "Get away from that girl or by Andraste I will make you!"

Alrik turned and smirked, "Ahh, more mages come to feel my justice..."

His men laughed.

He approached Hawke, "You seem to have a lot of fight in you...it will be **very **enjoyable stomping it out of you."

Anders shook and glared at the Templar, drawing his staff, "Lay one hand on her and I'll kill you!"

"Knight-Commander Meredith will be pleased indeed when I bring the two of you in," he sighed in contentment, "the noble Hawke and her Grey Warden bitch...such a catch will be the prize of the Circle."

He was trying to goad them into making the first move. A fight was inevitable, Hawke knew that, but she had to at least try to spare the cornered mage Alrik nearly had in his grasp.

"Let the girl go, I'll take her place." She said boldly.

Shocked by what he was hearing, Anders grabbed her by the arm and jerked her behind him. Justice was almost at the surface now; Anders knew he only had mere seconds to redirect the vengeance that would soon be unleashed upon all in the clearing.

"Anders?" Hawke asked tentatively.

Isabela made the first move. She cursed and sent one of her daggers cutting through the air. It buried itself in one of the soldier's neck, having slipped between the small break in his armor. He hit the ground hard, and then chaos broke loose.

Aveline rushed in to back up Isabela, raising her shield just in time to deflect the attack and recover, hacking at the man with all her might. Marian entered the fray as well.

They were outnumbered but she had faith in her friends.

Anders watched the three women fight Alrik's men. He shook violently as jagged magical lines appeared on his body. He had tried so hard to keep control, but in the end he knew he had lost.

Justice had awoken, and he did not like what he saw.

"You'll not harm another mage ever again!" Justice bellowed as he sprinted forward.

He incinerated two of the Templars with a flick of his staff, rendering them to piles of ash before they even had the chance to raise their blades. The man who loved Hawke with every fibre of his being wasn't present. Justice saw her only as a mage, important but faceless, and his charge was to defend at all costs.

Hawke saw him fighting from the corner of her eye. She saw the distinctive blue lines covering his body and knew Justice, not Anders was in control. He fought viciously, using a combination of fire, ice and lightening to eliminate threats from a safe distance and the blade at the end of his staff to finish those who got too close. There was an unnerving calmness to his face, and she knew it could only end poorly.

When the last Templar grunt had been dealt with, Marian turned her attention to Ser Alrik as he cowered in the same corner he had backed the young mage in to. In that moment, his calm and confident demeanour had been cracked and he looked truly frightened. He had been a solider for many years; he knew what death looked like.

He just never thought it would find him.

Justice stomped over to Alrik, stepping over bodies as he went, and raised his staff. Raw magic radiated from him and weakened Marian's knees. It was consuming, like a wild fire. A mage herself, she was sensitive to magic so unbound.

Without a word, Justice swung his staff low and decapitated the defeated Templar fanatic. Marian grimaced. Alrik deserved no less, but watching someone she loved so profoundly commit such a gruesome act made her nauseous.

To her horror, Justice fixed his glowing gaze on the circle mage they had been hoping to save. The girl demanded Justice get away from her, but through her tough exterior, Marian saw her fear as clear as daylight. The Anders she knew and loved would bring people back from the brink of death, not cast them over the edge and into the abyss.

"Anders," she pleaded, "you need to get control of yourself! The fighting is over, the Templars are dead. Look around you!"

He had gotten her through the loss of her Mother, and she would be damned if she lost him too – even to himself.

"She is one of them!" Justice hissed back, his determination and hatred strong.

"She is everything you're fighting to protect!" Marian declared fearlessly.

Justice scoffed at her, "Nonsense, they have turned her against the others...she must be dealt with!"

Desperate, Marian stepped in between Anders and the circle mage, "Do not do this, Anders!"

"I am Justice!"

The circle mage made a frantic run for it, sobbing the entire way, and Justice tried to get past Marian and reach his real prize.

"You'll not keep me from saving them all!" Justice threatened, his sights fixed on the girl.

It all happened so quickly, but Marian saw it all happen slowly. She grabbed his arm before he got too far ahead of her and dug her nails into his skin unintentionally. Justice whirled around and backed her up against the rocky wall. He saw her just as he saw the circle mage, a betrayer to her own kind.

Before she had a chance to speak or defend herself, he had his hands around her neck. He lifted her up and squeezed.

"You will die for your betrayal!" Justice hissed as he tightened his hold on her, "You're just as bad as the Templars!"

Marian tried in vain to pry his fingers from her throat and vaguely saw Isabela and Aveline trying to pull him back as her vision grew hazy. Her eyes bulged and her face felt unbearably warm. Her full lips had become blue from lack of air but she tried to speak to him nonetheless.

_So this is my end..._

She stared into his eyes and pleaded to the Maker that her Anders would snap back into control before Justice killed her.

Running out of time and options, Isabela stood directly behind Anders, grabbed his shoulders and kneed him in the groin.

Marian hit the ground hard and breathed in deeply, trying to steady her panicked body. She rolled onto her side and lightly touched her aching throat. Anders was on the ground too, clutching himself and groaning softly.

"You're a bloody moron!" Isabela cursed Anders, "You nearly killed her!"

Aveline knelt beside Hawke, "That's not going to help things, Isabela."

"But it's true! Look and her, Anders! Look at what you did!"

Anders fought to stand and looked down at Marian in horror. In his mind, Justice showed him what had happened, something he rarely did. It was almost like the spirit was proud of it, or that it was enjoying taunting him with the painful reality of what had nearly happened. The memory of what he had done to Hawke hurt more than what Isabela had done to him.

He grasped his hair, "Maker, no...please no..."

Hawke tried to say something to calm him, but it came out as a strained squeak. When she tried to stand, Aveline urged her down.

"Don't push yourself, Hawke." She warned in the mothering tone Marian loved so much.

Anders stared wide eyed at Marian. He had thought being near her but refraining from taking their relationship further would protect her, but there she lay, nearly killed by his own hand.

Marian saw the look in his eyes, "A-A-Anders..."

He raised his hand and tried to speak, but he knew nothing he said would take back his actions. Marian deserved a long, happy life and the only way of doing that was by leaving. He didn't truly want to, but remaining would be selfish and only put her at risk.

Anders turned his back on the trio and took a few hesitant steps away from them before taking off in a sprint. He knew he couldn't just stop once he got to Kirkwall. He'd have to keep running if he was going to keep her safe.

He told himself that she'd at least have the others, that she wouldn't be alone.

But the reality of it hurt like a dagger to the heart.

* * *

><p>"Keep...trash...trash...keep...trash..."<p>

Marian closed the door to his clinic and approached him as quietly as she could. Aveline had advised against seeing him, especially without having someone else present, but Hawke insisted she'd be fine.

She saw him sorting through a bin and tossing some of its contents into a knapsack and some onto the floor.

She swallowed hard, "You're leaving?"

Anders shot up and took a step back as he registered that it truly was her standing before him. He had hoped she'd not search him out before he could flee, as it would only make it more difficult, but apparently the Maker didn't intend to make this easy on him.

He looked away from her and said nothing.

Marian stepped closer and he took a step back, maintaining the distance between them.

"Anders..."

"Please leave," he said, having found his voice, "I won't risk hurting you again, Marian."

"You didn't," she said with a small smile, "Justice did, you weren't in control."

Anders sighed, "I am Justice, Marian."

"I don't believe that," she said with a confidence that surprised him, "You're...going to run away then?"

He couldn't look her in the eye, "It's for the best..."

Marian bit her lip in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, "That'll hurt me just as badly..."

He heard the sadness in her voice and forced himself to continue with packing, "That will heal with time. There is no healing from death."

Frustrated and terrified at the thought of losing him, Marian grabbed his knapsack and threw it across the room, "Look at me!"

Anders shook his head, "I can't."

She was suddenly extremely close to him, her hands grasping the feathers of his coat. He could feel the warmth of her body through the fabric between them. Her lovely eyes sought his out and he nearly came undone as their gazes met.

"I can't lose you, Anders. Do you hear me?" She admitted with a whimper, "I forgive you!"

"How could you? If Aveline and Isabela weren't there to stop me..."

"I know you would have stopped yourself before it was too late, Anders. Is it so hard to believe that I have faith in you?"

The sincerity of her voice made him want to kiss her, "I do not deserve you..."

She rubbed her tears away quickly before slipping both of her arms around his waist, "You do, and I've been telling you that for years."

Anders sighed, "We...we can't, Marian..."

Marian pulled back to look at him, but kept her hands on his sides, "See? Your words hurt me more than Justice ever could. Am I not enough for you, Anders?"

He dared to run his fingertips across the bruises on her neck, "You're more than I could ever ask for. You are...very dear to me..."

She smiled, "And you are dear to me, more than you'll ever know."

Anders stepped out of her reach and ran his fingers through his hair, "Ser Alrik...did he have anything on him to prove my theory or am I was mad as I fear?"

Marian produced a crumpled letter from her pocket. The seal had been broken, but it looked official in nature.

"I think you should see this."

Anders snatched it from her hands, hopeful it contained the information he needed. He had to read it over again to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.

"Meredith and the Grand Cleric...they didn't give approval to Ser Alrik!" Anders shook his head in disbelief, "I...was not expecting this. Perhaps things can be worked out; perhaps the Grand Cleric can be reasonable..."

Anders paced around his room, digging through stacks of journals in an attempt to organize his thoughts.

"You don't have to solve it tonight, Anders."

He furrowed his brow as he tossed text after text aside, "It's not right for me to put it off any longer, Marian. Your fate...the fate of every mage hinges on this!"

She grabbed him as he hurried past her and made him look at her. He tensed as her fingers grazed his chin.

"Set the manifests down and speak with me, Anders."

"But..."

She arched her eyebrow and he conceded, dropping the parchment on the desk and sitting on the edge of his cot. Marian sat down next to him and watched him as he tried to calm himself. He looked exhausted, almost like he hadn't slept in weeks. Dark circles had begun to form under his eyes and his beard looked messier than usual.

"You're going to work yourself to death," she lamented.

If there was anyone deserving of rest, she knew it was him. His dedication to his patients and to assisting her with her adventures was limitless, but months of taking too much on were catching up to him.

"If I die helping you or any of my patients it will be a happy death."

"When was the last time you put yourself first, Anders?" Marian asked as she scooted closer to him, "Why must you always suffer?"

"I deserve it, Marian. I do not say that because I am pessimistic, I say it because I am realistic. I heal because I hope for redemption. I took Justice into me, with good intentions, but have succeeded in letting down a good friend and nearly killing another – all because of my anger. I'm losing control of him, more so every day." He sighed heavily, "I do not want anyone near me the day Justice takes over for good..."

"He won't," Marian whispered as she lightly kissed his feathered shoulder, "I'll not let you implode, and I will not let you leave this clinic and walk out of my life forever!"

Anders thought for a moment and she allowed him it, remaining silent by his side. She knew he still feared he would lose control and hurt her, but she was willing to take the risk.

He sighed and slowly nodded, "It's not wise...but I'll remain."

Marian smiled wide and grasped his shoulders in a tight embrace, "Oh Anders, thank you!"

Her happiness was his own...he just hoped he didn't condemn her to further misery with his weakness.


	4. Igniting Desire

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters you'll read about in this tale – BioWare does. This story will contain scenes of a very mature nature. Expect elements of drama/angst/hurt & comfort in this story. There will naturally be some spoilers.

Thank you for reading and for the kind reviews left! This is not going to be a long story, but I am by no means finished with the Dragon Age universe! – Fallon.

**Chapter Four**

Marian walked up the flight of stairs that lead to his clinic. She left the city to deal with locate a missing Qunari patrol and had run into more trouble that she expected. Aveline was already on her way back to the Keep and Fenris slipped away quietly like he always did. She hadn't asked Anders to go with her because he was needed in Darktown, so she had taken Merrill with her instead.

Merrill offered to heal her after the battle, but she had turned the blood mage down. It wasn't that she didn't trust her. Merrill was delving into dangerous waters but Marian was still convinced she had a good heart. No, her reasoning for turning the elf down was more selfish than that. If anyone was going to touch her, even to heal, it was going to be Anders.

She pressed her hands firmly to the jagged cut on her side and used her hip to nudge the door open. The blow she had taken had ripped through her leather bodice and cut rather deeply into her flesh. It was one of the risks to being so lightly protected, but as a mage she took it in order to be quicker on her feet.

The clinic was surprisingly empty, only one of the cots was occupied and the man there seemed to be recovering from a broken leg. She hoped it was because the violence was lessening, but she somehow doubted Darktown would be that lucky. Those too poor to survive even in Lowtown had no other option save the dark streets that Anders called home. Gangs were rampant and guards never patrolled its streets. If people weren't injured by weapons, various illnesses stood ready to strike them down. Poor living conditions and waste being left to rot in the street meant that an entire menagerie of viruses and diseases would bring people to the clinic.

"Anders?"

She heard rustling behind a screen and he poked his head out, "Marian, what are you..."

He saw the blood coating her hands and the pained look on her face and rushed to her side. She had obviously caught him in the midst of changing as his hair was down and his shirt was untucked. The laces near at the neck of his shirt were undone, giving her a generous glimpse of his chest. If she weren't in such pain, she would have loved to simply look at him.

"What happened?" He asked quickly as he urged her behind the screen he had just emerged from and eased her down on the cot.

She forced a laugh from her lips, "Do you really want to know?"

Seeing her in danger when he was present to aid her was one thing, he truly did not want to hear about the dangers she put herself in when he wasn't there. He slowly pried her hands off of her side and pulled back the shredded leather to get a better look at what he was dealing with.

"Who was with you?" He asked angrily.

She winced as the lack of direct pressure made the wound flare, "Aveline, Merrill and Fenris."

Anders tried to hide his frustration, but he disliked both Merrill and Fenris and doubted he'd ever entrust Marian's safety to either of them. In his eyes, Fenris was an angry hypocrite who could turn on them all at any moment. Merrill played innocent, but she tampered with blood magic so he knew that was an act.

"You should have asked me to come with you, Marian..."

"I didn't want to take you away from the clinic for something that should have been so simple. The people here need you, they have no other options available to them."

Anders sighed. She was right, but he still wished he had been there to heal her immediately or to prevent it from happening in the first place.

He pressed one hand firmly over the wound to slow the bleeding and used the other to tug at the laces on the side of her bodice. Marian rolled over to give him better access and exhaled deeply as it mercifully loosened.

The layer of leather out of his way, he made the tear in the fabric of her robe wider and fully exposed the wound. It wasn't as long as he originally feared, but it was considerably deep. Magic would allow him to mend it fairly quickly, but the man who had came in before her had required a large amount of energy and Anders felt like death because of it. The bone had punctured the skin and caused extensive bleeding, nearly killing him. Anders did not regret healing the man, but wished he was strong enough to heal everyone completely and without pain. He would be able to close Marian's wound with magic, but the cleaning would have to be done by hand.

"Forgive me...I lack the magic reserves to dull the pain I'm about to cause you..."

She could tell he felt like he had failed her, and she quickly found his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "It's alright, Anders. Do what you have to..."

Anders forced himself to smile, but it was small and half hearted. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, even if it was in an attempt to heal her.

He soaked a clean cloth in hot water and wrung it out before pressing it to her side. She inhaled sharply and her nostrils flared as she fought to remain quiet as he worked. Marian knew he was working as quickly as he could, but every second that passed seemed like hours.

When Anders was certain the surrounding tissue was clean, he grabbed another cloth and a bottle of whiskey. Coating the cloth in alcohol, he squeezed her hand before running it over the wound.

Marian jerked her hips up and her eyes opened wide. It felt like he had put a torch next to her flesh, and the heat stung far deeper than she had prepared herself for.

"Please forgive me..." Anders muttered under his breath as he made sure the alcohol touched every part of the gauge.

If he did not clean it well enough, his healing would seal an infection inside her body. He was meticulous with all of his patients, but he was being **extremely** thorough with her.

Marian looked away from him and closed her eyes. She tried to think of more pleasurable thoughts to distract herself. Fantasies of Anders came to her mind immediately and she was able to relax her body as he continued to apply stinging salves to her side.

She wanted him so badly, but was nervous at the idea of openly confessing to him what she had been hiding for three long years. He seemed convinced that he would only hurt her, and everything she had said to him over the years in an attempt to quiet that fear did nothing. He was stubborn but Marian was certain she knew what she wanted – and she wanted him.

Finally he seemed convinced that the wound was clean, and pressed the palm of his hand over the length of the cut. His hand covering every inch of it, she felt the warmth of his magic begin to grow and sink into her skin. It felt wonderful, almost like rays of sunlight were passing through her.

Breathing became less painful and she looked back at Anders to watch him as he worked. She could tell he was concentrating solely on his task and did not notice she was looking at him. His brow was furrowed and his lips were pursed. Marian found she liked him with his hair down, and fought the sudden urge to run her fingers through his hair. Devoid of his coat, she was able to appreciate his build. He wasn't bulky with muscle, but she liked that. He was slimmer, but if his toned arms were an indicator of what he was hiding under his shirt, she doubted she would be disappointed.

Beyond the physical though, she loved him for his kind, compassionate heart. Her mother was of noble birth, that and Marian's magic had made for a very sheltered life. Until the darkspawn attacked Lothering four years ago, she hadn't even used her magic to fight. She knew little about what men desired, and her mother's vigilance made sure of that. While all the other young girls were swooning over the men in town, Marian and Bethany were kept close to prevent anyone from discovering their magic.

Loving someone had seemed so silly to her when she left Lothering, but Anders made her rethink everything.

"Marian?"

She blinked to clear the fog of desire and saw him looking at her, concern evident on his tired, handsome face. Marian touched her side and felt nothing but smooth skin.

She smiled, "Thank you, Anders. You're too good to me."

He blushed and glanced away from her, "I doubt that...but you are welcome, Marian."

She sat up and moved to the edge of the cot so she was facing him. He straightened so there was more distance between them, but Marian was determined to make it clear to him that her feelings were more than those of a passing fancy.

Before she could do or say anything though, Anders broke the silence, "You've done so much for mages. You have given people someone they can look up to, someone they can aspire to be. Maybe if there were more mages like you there wouldn't be things like the Templars or the Circle, perhaps tranquillity would become a thing of the past..."

"I'm doing it for you, Anders," she confessed softly.

He began wringing his hands and continued on as if she hadn't said anything, "They were almost at my doorstep last night, Marian. The Templars will come for me soon enough...I am sure of it."

"They were looking for you?" Marian could not quiet the panic in her voice.

"Not me specifically, but this place is not a secret. It is only a matter of time..."

He was right. Everyone in Lowtown and Darktown knew where to turn to for healing and they'd be foolish to think for a second that those in Hightown were blind to the clinic and its gifted healer.

Marian looked up and captured his gaze, "If they want you, they will have to get through me!"

Sadness did not leave his face, "I worry more about you than myself. What if your status and influence aren't enough to keep them at a safe distance? I couldn't live with myself if they hurt you..."

She reached out and grasped his hands. They were calloused and warm from the magic that still lingered on his fingertips.

Anders tensed at the tender contact but didn't fight it.

Her eyes welled up with tears as a dozen fears played out in her mind, "Nothing would hurt as much as losing you..."

Anders pulled away from her and stood. He ran his fingers through his hair as he took small steps away from her, "Don't say such foolish things, Marian."

"It's the truth, Anders," Marian said as she suddenly stepped in front of him to block his escape, "and I don't want to deny it anymore!"

"I'd drown us in blood to keep you safe," Anders said through clenched teeth, "but I'll only cause you heartache if you don't leave this moment! You deserve a normal life and I'm not able to give you that."

"I don't want a normal life...I want you..." Marian said in a whisper.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she lost the ability to control the flow of tears cascading down her cheeks. Silent sobs wracked her body, causing her to tremble before him. She did not want his pity, more than anything she wanted his love.

Anders could bear it no longer.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. His fingers found their way to her hair and he allowed himself to freely breathe in her scent. Being close to anyone was a tremendous risk for a mage, one that he had always avoided, but that option was no longer available to him.

Her sobs became sniffles and once he was certain she was calm, he pressed his lips to her ear.

"I've tried to hold back...you've seen what I am, Marian..."

Her heart skipped a beat.

"But I'm still a man...I can't resist you forever."

She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling with tears, "I don't want you to..."

Anders inhaled sharply as he slipped a finger under her chin. His lips hovered over hers for a moment, giving her one more chance to pull away, before capturing them in a heated kiss.

She moaned softly as his lips moved against hers. He was gentle and slow, taking his time and savouring her like she was at risk of disappearing at any moment. Anders nipped at her bottom lip and tightened his hold on her.

Marian Hawke had a grasp on him no other person had ever come close to obtaining. It was complete and consuming. Her lips were so incredibly soft he wasn't sure if he would be able to stop at just a kiss. Her body pressed against his awoke desires in him he thought died when he made his deal with Justice. But despite the spirit inside of him, here was this lovely woman bestowing her affections on him.

He placed kisses along her cheek, stopping at her ear. Anders tried to calm himself so he could remember every detail of the moment.

"If your door is open tonight, I will come to you..."

Marian pressed a kiss to his cheek and grasped his shirt.

"...if not...I'll know you took my warning at last."

He released his told on her but Marian remained huddled up against him. Anders smiled and reluctantly urged her from him. He kissed her forehead before stepping away from her completely and grasping the edge of a desk for support.

"Anders?"

He looked up at her and nearly came undone. Her hair was mussed from his wandering fingers and her lips were swollen from his kisses.

"Please leave, my Marian...before I take you here and now..."

Marian turned a bright shade of red and headed for the door as gracefully as she could manage. Her step was rushed because of both excitement and trepidation.

_Maker, he wants me!_

Just before she left, she turned back to him and smiled sweetly.

"I'll see you tonight then..."

* * *

><p>She seemed so certain, but Anders feared she would change her mind.<p>

As the door closed softly behind her, he flopped onto the cot and tried to wrap his head around what had just happened. He had just kissed the woman he loved and her sweetness still lingered on his lips. Anders feared he would break her heart, but there was no going back from that kiss, no undoing what had been set in motion.

All he could do was wait for nightfall, and pray that he found her door open.


	5. Let the World Burn

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters you'll read about in this tale – BioWare does. This story will contain scenes of a very mature nature. Expect elements of drama/angst/hurt & comfort in this story. There will naturally be some spoilers.

Thank you for reading and for the kind reviews! I hope you enjoyed this story. It was short, I know, but I'm ending it with a bang! Please forgive my fluffiness in this chapter – I could not resist! I plan to write another Dragon Age story soon...once I finish some of the other stories I have on the go! – Fallon.

**Chapter Five**

Marian had never been so nervous in her entire life. The sun was beginning to set and if he was going to show up, it would be soon.

_Anders..._

She was terrified he wouldn't show up, but didn't know how she would react if he did. Already she was jittery with excitement but she wanted the night to be perfect, and tried wishing her nerves away. Marian had spent hours preparing for him. She'd bathed in painfully hot water so as to get thoroughly clean and used the most expensive bath salts to add a lingering scent to her body she hoped he would appreciate.

She stood naked before the full length mirror in her powder room now, rubbing oils into her skin in the hopes softening herself would make up for her scars. When she was satisfied she had done all she could to make herself appealing, she donned a crisp white nightgown that had billowy sleeves and a faltering gathering under her bust. Marian didn't bother binding her bosom down or wearing anything under her nightgown for that matter, as it would just be one more layer between her and her love.

As she dried her hair with a towel, she double checked that the door to her room was open and took another look around the room. The fireplace was roaring and she'd had Orana put a fresh set of sheets on her bed. The room was pleasantly warm, but was cold without his presence.

Marian brushed her damp hair over her shoulder and sat at the foot of her bed. When another half an hour passed without any sign of him, she tucked her knees up to her chest and struggled to maintain her composure.

She was so preoccupied with worry, that she did not hear the footsteps coming from outside her door until her door creaked fully open. Marian's gaze shot up and she smiled.

Anders shut the door behind him and approached her without saying a word. She was absolutely stunning, and he was without the words to tell her as much. He hadn't expected to find her door open and had prepared himself for that. His heart had stopped for a moment when he saw it open, and he still feared it was all just another dream.

Marian stood and swallowed hard, "You're here..."

Anders gave a small smile, "Justice does not approve of my obsession with you, he thinks you're a distraction."

"And what do you think?" Marian asked tentatively, her nerves bubbling ferociously in her chest.

He stepped closer to her, "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, Marian, the one bright light in my life..."

She blushed and began twisting her fingers against her stomach to get rid of some of her nervous energy. Anders tenderly stopped her by taking her hands in his, "Do you want me here, Marian? Or did you leave your door open by mistake?"

She licked her lips and looked up at him, "It was no mistake...I want you here with me."

He smiled sadly and brushed his fingers across her cheek, "For three years I've tried to resist you, Marian Hawke. I kept thinking someone better for you would walk into your life and save you from me. But I'm so very selfish...I do not want to ever see you with another."

A tingle of electricity rippled over her body, "I want no other..."

Anders pulled her gently into his embrace, holding her loosely as if she was the most delicate thing in existence. He wanted her so badly, wanted to show her how much she meant to him, but at the same time he worried he was dooming her for coming. Anders had accepted his own damnation long ago, but he could not bear the thought of dragging her down with him.

Marian slipped her hands up between them and began fumbling with the clasp of his coat. She heard him inhale sharply and hurried to free it before he changed his mind and left.

He saw her hands shaking and assisted her with the stubborn clasp, shrugging his coat off once it was free. Anders brushed her hair out of her face and cupped her cheek, tilting her head up and placing a ghost of a kiss on her lips. He relished the feel of her full lips against his and took his time, content to etch the details of the moment into his mind.

Marian parted her lips just a little and quickly grazed her tongue over his bottom lip before pursing her lips together. She was proud of herself for being so daring, but could not read the expression on his face. She felt him shudder against her and his hold on her tightened. He touched her chin and encouraged her to part her lips again.

His tongue slipped past her lips and twirled over her tongue. The intrusion startled her, but his gentleness eased her fears and she soon melted into him. If it wasn't for his arms being around her, she was certain she'd have fallen. Her knees were weak and an embarrassing wetness was growing between her legs.

Their lips parted with a soft pop, but Anders was nowhere near through with her. He titled her head to the side and feasted upon her neck, sucking and nipping the delicate flesh there until Marian was gasping softly against him. Her fingers pawed at the belts on his shirt, and she somehow managed to undo one of them in the midst of his heated affections.

His desperate hands fell down and gave her posterior an appreciative squeeze. The fabric of her nightgown was thin enough for him to tell she wore nothing under it. Pressed into him as firmly as she was, the full swell of her breasts was against him.

Marian had somehow made it to the final belt on his shirt when he pressed his warm lips to her ear, "You've no idea how often I've thought about you, how ungentlemanly my thoughts of you are in the middle of a sleepless night..."

She arched against him, "What thoughts have plagued you?"

Anders paused in his affections long enough to remove his shirt, "You'd think less of me if I gave voice to them..."

She scurried to untuck his thin undershirt from his trousers. Her fingers grazed his hips as she freed some of the fabric, and he shivered.

"Tell me..." She asked in a strained whisper.

Anders halted her wandering hands and pressed them over his heart, "Thoughts of you naked and writhing under me plagued me, my dearest. Some nights my thoughts were gentle, I'd love you slowly and sample you piece by piece...other nights I ripped your clothes off and devoured you."

Marian's chest became heavy, "I'll not deny you your fantasies if you allow me mine..."

She had no idea where her boldness was coming from, but it was an amazing feeling to wield such power over him.

Anders groaned as she removed his undershirt and pressed her hands to his bare chest. He remained still and allowed her time to explore him. Her thumbs ran lightly over his nipples as they travelled further down.

"And what are yours, my Marian?" He asked her in a husky, lusty voice.

Marian bit her lip and rested her cheek on his chest. She didn't dare tell him everything, she was still far to nervous, but she supposed she owed him something in return for what he had shared.

"Your hands."

Anders looked puzzled, "What about them?"

He released his hold on her to look at them. They were calloused from years of fighting and healing, and he feared she found them too rough. His insecurities resurfaced and he fought the urge to flee.

"I've often wondered how...how they'd feel..."

Anders smirked as he realized what she was really thinking. He pressed his forehead to hers and allowed her the time she needed to find the courage to speak her mind.

Marian's cheeks turned a deep red, "You've healed me so many times...but...but you've never touched me where I've desired you to..."

He let his fingers fall from her cheek and trail slowly down her neck, "And where would that be?"

Marian bit her lip, "Anders..."

He caressed her neck and pressed his fingers along the neck of her nightgown.

"Please..."

His lips parted as his breathing became heavier. He was incredibly hard and his length was straining painfully against his trousers. Her pleas sent an intense ripple of desire through him he had yet to experience.

Anders wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up, earning him a surprised squeak from the nervous woman. He walked her back to the bed and laid her down, crawling over her to look her in the eye.

He cupped her breast and watched her face for any signs that she disliked his touch. Marian grasped his shoulder and averted her eyes from him. His touch was like nothing she had ever imagined and she couldn't experience it and look at him at the same time.

Anders traced his thumb around the hard peak of her breast, "Look at me..."

Marian closed her eyes and shook her head. Desire had guided her hand before, but sprawled out on the bed with him half naked made her shameful of her lack of experience. From her talk, he would be expecting a goddess and she was far more akin to a sister of the Chantry.

"Why do you not want to look at me?" He removed his hand from her breast and gently slipped a finger under her chin to guide her beautiful face back to him, "Have I said too much? Moved too quickly? If I have...please...give me another chance..."

Her eyes were open now but she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, "It's not that..."

He kissed her chin, "Then tell me what is wrong and I'll right it, my dearest..."

She rolled over so she was curled up against his chest, "Anders...I've never done this before. I have little idea of what I should do...and I don't want to disappoint you."

Anders couldn't hide the shock from his face. She was too kind, too good and beautiful to be a virgin. He knew she was from a noble family and those of higher birth were expected to save themselves for marriage, but it still seemed so bizarre to him. Why would she want to offer him something so precious? Why would she leave her door open when he would only taint her?

Marian mistook his surprise for repulsion and frowned, "I'm sorry...I should have said something sooner."

Anders silenced her with a gentle but firm kiss. She had hoped her fumbling hands and lack of experience would not be brought to light, but it seemed nothing would go her way tonight. His reaction though, was not what she expected at all.

Pulling away, he smiled and shook his head, "Do not apologize for something so silly, Marian."

"But -"

He pressed a finger over her lips, "But nothing. It was wrong of me to assume this was familiar territory for you. If you'll allow me to continue, I will go at the pace you desire. I would take you gently, and kiss away your tears..."

Marian wrapped her arms around his neck. There was an innocent glimmer in her eyes that was accented by desire.

This time she did not resist the pull of his gaze, "I'd like you to continue..."

Anders smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. He nuzzled into her neck and pressed wet kisses to her abused neck. His hand returned to her breast and squeezed her gently. Freed from the bindings she typically wore, Marian was more than a handful for him.

Anders jumped in surprise as Marian began to tug at his belt.

"May I?"

He rolled onto his back and watched her as she sat up beside him.

Marian unlatched his belt, then as an after thought removed his boots. She felt clumsy but one look at him told her she had to be doing something right. She ran her hand up his leg, around his groin and took her time working the few remaining buttons loose.

Anders arched back and groaned her name.

Eager to show him how bold she could be, she pressed a kiss over his sizable bulge followed soon after by a quick lick. The low moan she coaxed from him made her smile.

Marian hooked her fingers under the waistband of his trousers and eased them down. She averted her eyes until they were finally off of him and on the floor. From the corner of her eye she saw that he had sat up on his elbows to watch her, and his desire fuelled her on.

Again her fingers teased their way up his leg, this time though she did not avoid the part of him that ached so badly. Her soft fingers grazed the base of his shaft and he grasped the sheets on either side of him. He wanted her to be free to take her time, but he was certain he'd break if she did not touch him soon.

_Three years...oh, Marian..._

One hand resting on his stomach, she could feel the tension in him. She caressed him lightly, not sure if the action would hurt him or not. He was extremely hot and hard, so much so she suspected there had to be some level of pain present. She placed a kiss upon him before taking the head of his cock into her mouth.

"Marian!" Anders gasped, "You don't have to..."

A groan escaped his lips and he lost his train of thought. He watched her take him slowly into her, sucking him the entire time. He felt himself touch the back of her throat, but she managed to take a little more of him. Her tongue swirled around him, making him see stars that no magic could ever cause. He forced himself to keep his hips down, but it was damn hard.

Marian shifted onto her knees and began to quicken her motions.

Anders growled and managed to grab her thigh. She pulled off of him as he moved her, truly not knowing what he was doing. He bunched up her skirt and began to lift it.

Marian wriggled from his reach.

"Allow me to see you, my Marian..." Anders pleaded as he reached for her again.

Marian blushed fiercely as she put the pieces together, "You want me to..."

Anders nodded and finally managed to roll her skirt up over her hips. Naked from the waist down, he saw her shiver and urged her to straddle his face.

Slowly, she assumed the position he asked. She felt horribly exposed, but she reminded herself it was Anders – the man she loved, that was seeing her so.

He kissed her outer lips before parting her and pressing his tongue to her warmth. She bucked and tried to lift her hips, but he held her in place.

"A-Anders!" She gasped as he pressed his tongue to her opening.

He smiled, not halting his motions for a moment, and raised his hips. She gladly returned her lips to his flesh, but his tongue on her warmth was making it hard to concentrate. With every flick of his tongue, she felt herself lowering her hips more. When he slipped a finger inside of her, she let loose a moan the calibre of which he had never heard escape her.

Marian was in a daze when he flipped her over and pressed feverish kisses to her neck. Her skirt was still hiked up, and she could feel his length pressing against her thigh as he leaned over her. The tiny hairs over her body stood on end and she rolled her head back as she tried to process it all.

Anders had her nightgown up and over her head before she had a chance to register his movement. His lips encircled her nipple, pulling it past his lips and sucking it gently. Even in the full heat of his want for her, he was determined to keep his promise.

Marian lifted her hips invitingly, and was startled when he instead sat back and leaned against the headboard.

His features were surprisingly calm and he radiated something she knew had been there all along – safety.

She crawled over to him and kissed him passionately before straddling him. He sighed in contentment and rested his head on her chest.

Marian swallowed hard, "Will...will it hurt?"

Anders nodded slowly.

She kissed the top of his head and relaxed her legs, "It's fine...I can handle it."

The tip of him pressed firmly against her opening and she bit her lip. His searing warmth against her wetness was amazing.

As the head of his cock slipped into her, he dug his nails into her thighs and muttered hurried apologies to her. Marian winced at the bizarre, stretching intrusion, but allowed him to continue. He raised his hips as he pushed her down, easing more of his length into her as slowly as he could manage. She was so tight and slick around him...

Marian made a strange sound and he looked up at her to find her silently gasping as tears rolled down her cheeks. He lifted her off of him slightly and had her rest her head on his shoulder, but not before he kissed her tears away. Anders rubbed her back and waited until the tension left her body before continuing.

It was Marian who began the slow rocking motion. She had her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips pressed to his ear, whimpering softly as she risked moving.

"You're so big..." Marian groaned under her breath before pushing down.

Anders thrusted up and she moaned into his ear.

"My Marian..." He murmured into her neck as she rocked harder against him.

The pain was fading, and a blissful pleasure was wrapping itself around her. She wanted more of him, and that meant he had to give in.

"I am yours...so take me, Anders."

She did not have to tell him a second time.

Anders pushed her down on her back and knelt as he pulled her into his thrusts. Marian gripped the sheets on either side of her and threw her head back as he built up a steady, rough rhythm.

"Anders...Anders...**Anders**!"

* * *

><p>Marian stood before the fire in her nightgown, her arms wrapped around herself. Simply put...she felt amazing.<p>

She heard Anders stir on the bed behind her and smiled.

"Marian?" He asked once he realized she wasn't beside him, "Is everything alright? Are you..."

_Oh, my love..._

She slipped back into bed with him and he quickly pulled her into his arms. That was where she felt safest, and she guessed he felt the same. His hair had come loose early on in their love making and he was covered in sweat and love bites, but she thought it was a beautiful look for him.

"I've never been better," she said truthfully, a big smile on her lips.

He looked concerned nonetheless, "I hurt you the first time...I shouldn't have taken you a second. Please forgive me..."

Marian blushed at the memory.

_Grey Warden stamina, he had called it._

"I enjoyed every second of it," she murmured into his ear, "and I'm glad you were the one to introduce me to such pleasures. The pain faded, what I felt after that...I don't think I can properly describe."

Anders kissed her softly, hoping to convey through that simple action how complete a hold she had on him.

"I love you," he confessed once their lips parted, "I've tried to hold back from saying that, but you are everything to me and more...I can't lose you."

Marian smiled, "You won't, Anders. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. Neither are you, you're place is right here in this house...in this bed, with me."

He brushed his thumb over her bottom lip and allowed himself to relax into the plush sheets. The world was still in chaos, but for now he was content in letting it burn.


End file.
